It is well with my soul, but the rest of me needs help.
My soul is completely at peace. Full of joy. Content. Confident.
My mind is more like a pinball machine. Darting from one thing to another. Uncertain.
My heart is heavy. Full of love and laughter. But also of sorrow and pain. It wavers and shifts.
In the long run, the end game, the finish, my soul wins.
But now I’m somewhere on the course, and I can only see what is in front of me. I know the finish line is there, but I have no idea when I’ll reach it.
There is little that is familiar. Everything is shrouded with fog. And the fog slowly creeps over everything else, blurring my view, causing me to shiver and second-guess.
What I know and how I’m responding right now do not seem to match.
How thankful I am that David, a man after God’s own heart, wrestled with the same issue. And so, I come before God, praying David’s words, knowing my God is listening.
O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works’ and consider what your hands have done,
my soul thirsts for you like a parched lane.
Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love;
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I shovel do,
for to your I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.